Does Anybody Have a Map?
Those of you reading this title are either really confused or have spent too much time with me and understand the reference completely. Let me explain- does anybody have a map is the title of the first song in the musical Dear Evan Hansen. It is also a pretty accurate representation of me clinging to GPS for dear life since I have no sense of direction, especially now that I live across the country. God, it’s like you spend 20 years of life trying to learn the names of streets in one place only to find out just as you’re getting the hang of it that there’s a whole other world of streets you really don’t know yet.
Today, though, I’ve chosen that title because it alludes to the focus of this week’s entry. Because I brought a Seattle entry last weekend, I decided to switch things up and make this an ode to a different time in my life: college. Or more specifically, the first few weeks of college, which I could write a book on if given the chance (but currently do not warrant that kind of audience, so this blog will have to do). It’s not a coincidence that I’m publishing this blog now though, because I think adjusting is similar whether you’re beginning college, moving cross-country, starting a new job, or whatever else. My first few weeks in Seattle have definitely been an adjustment, one that I think aligns with college move-in in a lot of ways. For those of you who don’t know, my younger sister is a junior in high school, so this one is actually a request from one of her friends to cover college move in. Surprisingly though, quite a few people have asked me what I’ve taken away from my time at good old UIUC, so here goes nothing.
When I think back on my first few weeks at U of I, the word that most comes to mind is rollercoaster.
It’s interesting because I really used to hate rollercoasters. No seriously, my friends had to beg me for years to go on Raging Bull at Six Flags because I thought the one time I went would be the time the rollercoaster would malfunction and send me flying 8 thousand feet into the air. I’m more of a seat belt type- I’d rather avoid any activity where something going wrong would pretty much ensure my death (now that I think about it, I’m not so sure why so many of us do love rollercoasters. I did eventually go on them, and now I love them, so maybe it’s something we all trick ourselves into loving, I don’t know).
So I like tried-and-true methods, where even bulletproof rollercoasters weren’t safe enough for me. With college, as the first person in my family to “test it out” in the states, I was convinced from the get go that it was probably going to blow up in my face. I didn’t know what or who to expect when I stepped through the doors of Snyder dorm hall my freshman year.
And here’s what I learned:
The first few weeks of college are unique from ANY experience you will ever go through. Looking back, I was wondering if it would be the worst experience, or the best experience of my life. It was neither, because nothing compares. If I had to equate it to one thing, it would be summer camp- just elongated summer camp with slightly worse food, more people that you don’t hate, and more people, in general. I can’t speak for every university, but I can say that UIUC did a pretty terrible job of getting all of us acquainted. I guess that checks out when 10,000 new students start at a school per year, but we didn’t have any orientation, save for a one hour session with other English majors (where we all went around and I ended up being the only person with more than 100 people in their graduating class…and then the fire alarm went off and we all left). When we arrived at college freshman year, me and my roommate Jess were mostly just grateful we had each other and thinking three things: 1.) Wow we’re so excited to try the delicious dorm hall food! 2.) Wow, we can’t wait for everyone in our dorm to get together and be best friends! And 3.) Omg how could anyone be homesick? FREEEEDOM IS GREAT!
We were proven wrong on all three fronts. Our first night there, we accidentally broke someone else’s phone (long story), listened to a weird comedian make jokes about seeing his nephew naked in the shower (longer story), gotten lost 489249 times, met our terribly neglectful RA, and spoken to a grand total of three people. By the next day, we had made up our minds to never leave the room for another UIUC orientation get together and were content to hide inside room 326 for a few days at least. I say all this to get across that nothing is how it seems, and you should always expect the unexpected.
Everyone reacts to college a little differently, but the other thing to consider is that leaving your family (whether to go somewhere 20 min, 2 hours, of 2 days away) is stressful and something most of us have not done before. I think it took me moving to Seattle to give myself some credit for what I had pulled off when I moved away for the first time three years ago (subtle flex of how quickly I graduated). It’s hard. You go up and down and up and down, and there are moments it feels like you’re on top of the world (like Jess and I’s deep convos those first few nights that we were still over the moon that we got to have “unlimited sleepovers” before she realized I snored and I got mold in our coffeepot) and moments you couldn’t be lower (there’s a reason I know that the shower is the #1 best spot to cry). In those first couple of weeks, you go through more internal and external changes than ever before: you attempt to contact people whose snapchats you’ve gotten only to be immediately ghosted, you get sick (a lot because the freshmen flu is real), you go through RUSH (god forbid), you screw up your sleep schedule permanently with all-nighters and parties, and you try to balance making friends, starting school, and calling your parents just enough so they don’t freak out or think you’ve fallen off the face of the earth.
I intended on making this ANOTHER top ten list, before just now realizing that that would be not feasible. So instead, here are a million tips for your first few weeks. Enjoy them!
- The first few weeks are the perfect time to have just found a show to binge watch. Don’t use it as an excuse to stay in your room, but it will be monumentally helpful at making you feel more okay with being alone. I watched a LOT of criminal minds those first few weeks while in the dining hall (and now that I think about it, a lot of Dynasty my first week in London…..and I did just start New Girl……)
-Speaking of which, be ok with being alone. You spend the most time in college by yourself, so get comfortable with that if you're a crazy extravert like me (otherwise you’ll always be sad)
-If you have no idea what to do with yourself, stay busy. Even if its getting textbooks from the bookstore or going shopping for rush outfits, doing things always beats crying in bed
-If people tell you “do not live with your best friend from high school”, ignore them. Me and my best friend only got closer by being roommates. The #1 thing is lifestyle compatibility, so as long as one of you isn’t a 3 am riser while the other likes to sleep in, you’ll be fine)
-Just remember- flowers are not meant to be kept as a souvenir. Please do you and your roommate a favor and get rid of these, I’m speaking from experience
-Rugs are terrible. Get a vacuum schedule ready
-Get real comfy with your roommate. Not that I had to deal with this, but NOTHING is more awkward than crying and your roommate walks in, or walking in on your roommate…so yeah, maybe take some time that first week and get to know each other.
-Pick out a prime crying spot. I’d try out a few places, but when you’re in a pinch, the shower works amazing for those first couple of weeks
-Join a club ASAP. Most colleges have an introduction to campus activities (we had a quad day) so go and sign up for everything. If nothing else, you’ll get a ton of free stuff (my senior year, my friend went and just put down my email for every club on campus so she could get a ton of free things and my email inbox still hasn’t quieted down)
-Never underestimate the power of small talk. Most of my friends from college became my friends because I randomly ranted to them in a freshmen class or said something drunkenly to them at a party (in fact, one of my best current friends met me while I was struggling to open my door one night).
-Just talk to everyone. How will you know if you vibe if you don’t talk to them first? My regret (and ask anyone, they’ll regret this too) is worrying I’d come on too strong and people would be judgmental. Literally no one is satisfied with the number of friends they have until at least second semester (and by then, everyone’s in sororities anyways) so exploit the hell out of that and people will love you for being more social than they could force themselves to be. Just live it up and do everything I didn’t do.
-Don’t over rely on the people in your dorm. I thought we’d be best friends but realized at our dorm orientation while we were playing "if you were a candle which would you be” exactly how unrealistic that is.
-Time flies. Nothing is permanent and you won’t remember most of your dumb shit in another three years so yeah, I’d just do it. My second day at UIUC, my roommate and I did karaoke in front of our entire class, and I can’t sing. Embrace the rollercoaster- I promise enough people have made it through without falling off, so you won't either.
Take my word for it or don’t, but just know you’ll be fine. At least for me, there was always this sort of implicit pressure to make college the best four years of my life. The #1 thing I’ve learned is this: college may or may not be the best four years of your life, but it will set you up to be the best kind of you. You’ll come out on the other side, 2.5 or 4 years later with a degree, but also with a shocking level of patience, an appreciation for the people in your life, and an independence you never thought possible (I now only need to call my mom once a day instead of three times, so that’s the progress I’m talking about). I'm personally inspired by the Sharon that moved to Urbana-Champaign for 2.5 years and made it through Auntie Anne's shutting down. She did good, and I'm gonna try to keep her legacy alive here in Seattle:) Good luck younger folks and to all my friends still being put through the ringer, don’t you feel old now? I know I do.