A Letter to Greek Life
Hey guys! An exciting week and wishing you all a happy Fourth of July weekend. Hopefully it’s explosive and amazing:)
In honor of the fourth, I’m coming “forth” with an entry all about something that I hinted at in my last entry: Greek life. Its also quite explosive and drama could ignite at any time, so very on brand here. I got quite a bit of interest in sororities and am excited to explore Greek life further in future entries; for now, I’ll keep it short with a general letter to the Greek life system. As a sneak peek, I eventually want to cover sorority recruitment, mental health and Greek life, and balancing Greek life with college overall- but please let me know if there’s anything specific that you’re curious about. Here we go!
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Dear Greek life,
Let me introduce myself. My name is Sharon, and I’ve spent the past 3 years as a rather devoted member of Alpha Epsilon Phi. If you’re rubbing your forehead trying to figure out which of the alphas that is, let me help you out: we’re the Jewish one. I of course only insinuate that everyone calls us that, not that any of us have any care about being “Jewish”, since most of our sorority is actually not Jewish. In addition to being an active member, I also served AEPhi as the programming assistant, became Vice President of programming, acted on standards board, and externally, was also the president of Shi-Ai, the UIUC panhellenic greek philanthropy council.
I want you to know I know the truth about you. I know that behind every sorority, fraternity, and other Panhellenic organization, the core is four 60 year old ladies and gentlemen whose pride and joy is that on LinkedIn, they belong to the national council of alpha sigma phi (not a sorority but if the girl on tiktok can make up kappa Raffa, I can make up alpha sigma phi).
I want you to know that I also know the truth you choose to conceal- that Greek life, as much as it pretends not to be, is on the way out.
Why? Over the course of this letter, I will give ten reasons why university life in 2032 will be Greek-less. And in doing so, I hope to explain exactly why Greek life needs to change to keep up with our society. More importantly, I want to warn the future sisters and brothers that do want to do greek life of exactly what they’re signing up for.
But first, a disclaimer (not that I need to give it but I will for all my aephi friends who are reading this like “but…but…aephi brought me and Sharon together so…?” And also for my parents to know that the money we put into it was worth it). AEPhi FAR from ruined my life, it saved it. It didn’t cause me to lose my old friendships, it actually created new ones. It made me a stronger leader, a better person, and a kinder friend. Most of the people who read this right now were “sisters” before they were friends, and for that I am eternally grateful. I am certain, Greek life, that you have given many young girls a college support system and many young guys a brotherhood they cherish.
Greek life, you taught me amazing skills. Parents will often say “why should I put the money in for a beer pong tournament or a bid day party? How does that translate into the real world?” And I’ll tell you how.
Recruiting girls into our sorority forced me to know how to interview and how to be interviewed. A few months later, I successfully applied and interviewed for the corporate job I currently hold.
My time on my sorority’s executive board taught me how to work on a team with people I did and didn’t like. I was recognized in my internship for doing well on a group project (with people I did and didn’t like).
Programming events for my sorority taught me how to plan, prepare, and execute creative ideas. The idea for my internship project required the same planning and logistical expertise.
Part of my job was presenting self betterment programs for other aephi members. These programs taught me about DEI, mental health, and other hard topics. The ability to talk about the hard stuff allowed me to present to senior leadership and to network with people I was scared to before.
Being a part of social events allowed me to interact with all different types of people. And even for every unbearable frat boy, it taught me to see the good in everyone, and to always say hi. I’m a more friendly person because of these experiences, which allowed me to create a life for myself abroad in London.
I learned how to write a really good email as president of Shi-Ai. And you don’t even want to know how many emails I have to send in my full time job now.
I learned other skills as well, like how to give back to my community, how to push myself, how to be persistent, and most of all, how to be grateful for what I have. Because above all else (ugh), I gained MANY meaningful connections that taught me what I deserved from those around me and what type of energy I should strive to put into the world.
BUT…
Greek life, you also taught me exactly what I do not deserve. And now, let’s get into Sharon’s “why Greek life is dying, and might actually already be dead” psychoanalysis.
1.) Much like the government, which claims to be "by the people, for the people", greek life IS, in fact, NOT
What do I mean by this? Only that like I mentioned above, the people running these Panhellenic organizations are actually much older, which makes them very out of date with progress. Now, I can only reflect on AEPhi- but from conversations with friends in 9 of the 18 other Panhellenic sororities, and several friends in fraternities at UIUC as well, I think my evaluations are pretty accurate on behalf of all greek university entities. This post is a direct attack at Sharon Block Raphael (aephi's national president), and I would love nothing more than for this blog to finally get some attention and make its way into her inbox. One of the first things I was told when I began training for sorority recruitment was that it was important Jewish 'targets' felt welcomed into the sorority. I found this strange, as I have already written that more than half of our girls were in fact, not Jewish. Not that there's anything wrong with being Jewish, but I found it extremely corrupt that we would be degrading the experience of a group majority based off values that came to light more than 110 years ago. Just several sorority mandates: girls were not allowed to put up Christmas trees (even in their own rooms), Jewish girls were allowed out of their housing contracts while other girls were fined, Jewish PNMs (potential new members) were exclusively set up with Jewish members of the house, and our recruitment advisor on nationals council actually tried to set up a scholarship that would exclusively make greek life affordable for women who prayed at synagogue. Now, AEPhi was founded because 7 incredible women were denied entry into 1909 greek life...and they came together to form a place where ALL women would find a safe community. Wonderful message. 110 years later, I am positive those same seven women would be heartbroken for what nationals has done towards ensuring that that failure to provide an equal experience remains. It's disgraceful that the same 50 year old women can point at our values to justify exclusion, hatred, and divide. And from hearing of sororities and fraternities who have blacklisted PNMs of different races, put a quota on the number of non-white members they can have, rated girls low because of their body or size, etc. - I know greek life as a whole is fucked when it comes to representing its members. Its no wonder so many people drop their houses Junior year, as soon as showing it off on their Instagram no longer matters.
2.) Greek Life's priorities are WAY out of whack
I was once told, to my face, that the key to being a good sorority member was remembering that my 'sisterhood' should always take precidence over my individual needs. A test to study for was always secondary to getting the right bid day color scheme, and god forbid a person was thinking about dropping. I think this is where people who aren't in greek life get the sentiment that it's like a cult (that or the mobs of girls in white dresses taking pictures in front of their houses before their angel-themed bid day and then posting with the same captions: feels like I died and went to heaven). And I agree, in this way...greek life IS a cult. I also remember the first time I heard from a friend in a different sorority that her chapter had a 1000 dollar budget for academic programming, and thought it was great that they were trying to better their girls professionally. UNTIL my friend told me that the social budget for that chapter was 20,000 DOLLARS. WHAT?!?!? 20,000 george washington's and all frats can give us is that wretched Natty light?!?
3.) Diversity? Is that a thing anymore?
I already made this point and I won't drain it, except to say I've heard it all. Guys not giving bids to black guys, sororities with quotas on the number of asian girls that can get in...it is UNBELIEVABLE that we are in 2022 and that organizations can get away with this stuff. And then those same organizations pretend that their money goes to diversity causes and post black squares to be woke. On this note, I can commend AEPhi, because at least we have a DEI position on our exec board, which I can confirm almost every other sorority does not have.
4.) Expense
If I had a dime for everytime I heard "we want you to feel like more than just another number" I would be rich enough to afford greek life LMAO. No but actually....this is one of the biggest lies ever, because all that national Panhellenic organizations want from you is your bank account. The more of that money gets transferred into their alpha sigma phi fund, the better (and bonus points if they can haul some of your money as an alumni by telling you it will go towards finding beautiful blonde haired legacies to continue the awful, outdated traditions you went through too). It's a money black hole- greek life drains your wallet faster than you can even wonder what it's going to. Getting hot water in the house, getting 'adorable' identitical dresses for sisterhood round, pretending the frat house gives a shit about philanthropy by buying an old car off a pledge so people can smash it and they can make more money...signing your greek life initiation contract is like watching your first paycheck disolve away once taxes are subtracted from it.
5.) It's a full time job
My house expected me to pay out of pocket for all programming expenses, to plan one event per week, and to attend every single event I hosted. ERM......? Even my well paying job doesnt expect that of me now, and the only thing AEPhi payed me in was weekly headaches about who was dropping and a laundry list of things to do. I actually sent everything on this list to my nationals council after I graduated and conducted a number of facetimes with our advisors to warn them about the future of the organization should they not listen to my ideas. Their response? "Thanks for bringing it to our attention. I definitely think we can get the current executive board (made up of a bunch of 19-20 year olds mind you) to handle these concerns, ranging from girls with financial issues to girls who were one negative comment away from suicide) to handle each of these while we sit back and make sure they follow through." Let's just remember who is and isn't getting paid in this situation!
6.) It's like a real life version of the bachelor/bachelorette
Greek life is FILLED with divide. It's mean girls but also mean guys, and it applies to everyone. One need only log into greekrank.com (if you do this, please ignore the AEPhi tab of the site:)) to see this divide in action. Girls and guys tear each other down (though guys do it in a much funnier way I'll give them that). They call girls in other sororities every word you can think of: lame, insecure, depressed, ugly, fat, stupid, worthless, pathetic, trash... the list goes on and on. They self-rank their own organizations and then they act better than everyone else. Sororities and fraternities should back each other and have their only goal be ensuring every PNM finds the right place for them, but instead they compete over ridiculous titles and hide behind their instagram bios. It's really too bad that we as a society, no longer care about any of these titles (see #10).
7.) Paying for friends?
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people who aren't in greek life tell me that I "paid for my friends". Because while 95% of my college friends are indeed from aephi, I like to say that most of my friends that I am still close with from my sorority either 1.) hate aephi and have dropped 2.) hate aephi and are too lazy/hopeful to drop or 3.) like aephi but will never spend time with me talking about aephi positively because there are much better things to talk about. Which brings us to this issue- greek life is dying because guys and girls can join Panhellenic organizations, trauma-bond with their pledge class, make friends, and then drop and avoid further trauma. And on this note, I can't disagree with that practice.
8.) Hazing, hazing, hazing
YIKES. Let's just say that the video I watched as a 13 year old in the middle school DARE program of college hazing wasn't that far off. From sitting women on laundry machines to see them ostrasized and then forced into eating disorders to grown men ripping out people's tombstones from the Champaign-Urbana cemetary to our local fav blow or blow (iykyk), these awful practices are becoming more and more taboo. Why would we want our daughters and sons to join organizations where these practices are reality? Or to be subject to smaller traumas, like waking up at 6 am to clean up puke after a party? Gross.
9.) To be (genuine) or not to Be
If I'm being honest, the reason I picked this topic for this week's entry is because last night, me and my friend Hailey were discussing our own greek life disaster stories, and we were talking about how truly authentic, fun greek organizations (what I'd like to think AEPhi is for all of our members) still struggle...because how does one prove in a 20 minute recruitment round with questions like "if you were a color what color would you be?" that their greek organization is genuine, filled with authentic and caring people? I just honestly think that we're moving away from being so gullable. We want to see the change, not just blindly trust the process (more on that in the sorority recruitment entry), and that's why greek life is definitely on the way out.
10.) No longer needed
I mean this on several fronts. Most obviously, sorority and fraternity status matters a lot less than it mattered 20 years ago, and actually even less than it mattered pre-pandemic. After months of isolation, people have not only learned to be more indapendent, but also have eased to the idea that having a few good friends is enough. And if that's the case, why not just join a small club, go to a campus bar, or talk before class? Plenty of people can find someone with something in common across them in class (same major, same age, etc.), so why pay 8 million dollars and be tortured to get the same thing? And unlike when greek life was the key to a good social life years ago, in the lovely year of 2022, girls can flash a smile and get into any party they want (I mean we don't have access to basic human rights but at least I can wear a low top and be immediately escorted into DKE lol). Greek life status is pretty much irrelevent... so in a few years, people will dodge the shitty process altogether.
I said I sent a letter to nationals with all of these factors and issues, specific to our chapter, with my thoughts on what we could do so that my younger sister and future daughter can one day be a "legacy" (even though this concept is also stupid) of my sorority. What did they do about it? Zip, zero, nada. Which brings us to the ultimate reason why I believe greek life is a thing of the past - no one cares enough to want to change its existing failures. The broken system needs one hell of a fixer-upper and it looks like we're all too legally blonde (sorry elle woods I love you) to do anything about it. Prove me wrong, greek life. And please, donate some of that 20,000 dollars to a seagram/fun drinks fund and to Planned Parenthood.
Hope you enjoyed! And please let me know if you have any ideas for the next entry:) Have a happy fourth!
Your fellow ex-sorority girl,
Sharon