Wind of Change

“The only thing constant in life is change.” – some Buddha dude a million years ago

Here I am, sitting in a tea shop because I’ve officially given up on the taste of coffee (if Seattle can’t turn me, then can anything?), reflecting on the fact that in 48 hours, I will be 21. Wondering if being able to legally drink marks official adulthood, and if I have to stop seeing my pediatrician now that I’m an adult or whatever. I’m here to break down change because….like why? How is it that the last time I blinked I was watching Get A Clue with my childhood friends, and now I watch it exclusively with Mollie Kramer? How is it that 2015 was 7 YEARS AGO? How is it that silly bands and pokemon cards have become drugs and alcohol? WHEN did bangs go from cute to “mid-life crisis”, when did Spongebob become Shameless, when did wine stop tasting “grossssss” (though beer still does for some reason), when did cheating at Heads up 7 Up turn into bombing corporate interviews, and when did scented markers and stickers go away? I miss when the biggest pain in my life was when my food burned during Cooking Mama on Wii or when it was field day and I was handed the orange fun pop. Yes, this blog’s purpose is to make you nostalgic for the 2000s and I can confirm that being a 2000s kid is one of the biggest flexes I have.

But beyond that, this blog is here to talk about change – which has to be in the top ten list of things we as a society just do not like. I did some research (so none of you can say I’m not committed), and according to a Forbes study, 38% of people say they like to leave their comfort zone. Sounds great, until you realize that means 62% of people do not. And these 62% say they would “avoid change if they could”, meaning over half of the human population would like to keep living in 1943 if it were up to them.

Obviously, that’s not how we actually feel, but if it were up to us (hi, I definitely fit in the 62%), we would never have to deal with change on an individual basis. Ending slavery and giving women rights is all well and good, but quitting a job to find happiness somewhere else? Striking up a conversation with someone new? Opening a dating app? Yikes, count me out.

Psychologically, its due to this fancy thing called status quo bias, which I am going to describe through my very credible AP Psych at Stevenson High School expertise. This just means that we’d rather stick to whatever the default already is in situations because we lend the status quo value for some reason.

A specific way I like thinking about this is one of the only useful things I learned from my leadership minor at UIUC, called “The Cliff Scenario”. Think of it this way- you’re standing on a cliff looking out at the water beneath you, which goes on and on and on. Suddenly, a fire breaks out behind you, and flames inch closer and closer to where you stand. You have a choice- keep standing on the cliff, praying that someone will put the fire out and you will be saved, or leap from the cliff- risking your death but also possibly ensuring your survival. What do you do?

If you’re sitting there, shaking your head like “Sharon, what is wrong with you? I would obviously jump”, then I’d ask you to really ask YOURSELF if you really mean it. Because when this study was done with a class of Harvard students years ago, approximately 3/4th of them admitted that they would be too “frozen” to do anything at all. Meaning that they’d eventually end up enveloped by flames.

It seems ridiculous – why wait to die if you can do something about it? Why sentence yourself to an outcome you can avoid if it has such terrible consequences?

The truth, however silly this little dilemma may seem, points at one fundamental principle of human behavior that hasn’t changed in the past three decades (if anything, it’s just became stronger): we hate change. And if we could, we would stay in the same unhappy marriages, unhappy careers, and unhappy routines until the end of our lives if the universe had no say in it.

So in some ways, thank god that the universe does. I always say the world looks out for us, and sometimes what I mean is that we end up in situations where we are forced to jump, because the cliff falls out from under us.

This sounds terrifying, and it’s just as terrifying in real life. We graduate college, lose jobs, break out of relationships, must leave old friends behind, and grow up from Disney movies and playing Toontown (unless you’re Jessica Mendelson, then you definitely never do). We get denied our “dream” careers, partners, and lifestyles, and we cope with it all one day at a time.

So how the hell do we do this? I think the trick is admitting that change is inevitable. It’s how you respond that determines whether you end up burning alive on the cliff or whether you take a chance and jump. You won’t make it out of every situation, every changing tide, every harsh wind that blows- but by the end, you’ll learn your chances are a lot better if you get onboard and go along for the ride. None of us are exactly sure risks will pay off and none of us especially love the changes that life brings, but all of us can think of at least one change that’s driven our lives for the better.

I’m the expert on this. I loved Champaign, and then I graduated a year and a half early and had to leave all my friends behind. I loved London, and then I had to move back home. I loved my job, and then they transplanted me to Seattle, and now we’re starting from scratch. None of which I could have anticipated in a million years. Being open to change has been tough, and it hasn’t let me emerge completely unscathed from the flames. There was a few times I jumped and landed below water, and a few more that it was hard to swim to shore once I did. But here I am. I’ll keep jumping and keep flailing and doggy paddling through the current, because that’s one thing we can all be 100% about- our lives aren’t going to stop changing anytime soon.

Let’s take a minute to appreciate that I’ve kept the metaphor going this entire time, and another minute to appreciate the title of this entry. There is a little hidden reason I named it “Wind of Change”. Beyond describing the thing we’re all so scared of, this is also the name of my parents first dance song at their wedding. And since their anniversary is tomorrow, I was thinking about this song and its lyrics: “The future’s in the air, I can feel it everywhere….blowing with the wind of change.”

As scary as change is, as much as multiple people have asked me how I deal with it, I think we all deal with it the best we can. Life pulls out a lot of Uno Reverse cards, and all we can do is play the hand we are dealt as best we can. But looking ahead to the future that change brings is exciting! My parents have made 26 years of marriage work and they still keep loving each other, despite the changes life has dealt them. And that is so exciting, because who knows what changes await us, what amazing people we will meet and become in 5, 10, 15 years! Let’s raise a toast to change and now that I can (almost) pour one out, let’s celebrate change and watch some Wizards of Waverly Place.