Why I STAYED in my Sorority
Happy Sunday and Happy blogging! Hope everyone had a great week and it’s time for a fun blog all about why I stayed in my sorority, Alpha Epsilon Phi. This was a request I got after publishing my “letter to Greek life” and sorority recruitment entries weeks ago. I think I scared off some people, because three people separately texted me and asked “Okay, if it is that bad…why the hell did you stay?” Great question, I’ll let you know once I figure it out. The end.
Just kidding. I thought I would write this entry not just to explain why I stayed in my sorority, but what factors you should consider if you’re a pledge --- ahem sorry new member—and on the fence about dropping or staying. I am also currently binge watching Greek, which is probably the culprit behind all the sorority content as well.
Just like last time, I decided to ask my friends from various sororities why they stayed in their sororities (a little biased because I did not ask my friends who did decide to drop). I was hoping for some inspiring content about how their new member period positively impacted them and made them feel like part of an incredible collective, but in the interest of staying honest with my audience, here are the responses I actually got:
“I joined too late to get sick enough of it to drop.”
"I liked the girls and honestly, I didn't want to be one of the girls everyone was like "omg did you hear so and so dropped out" lol"
“Ew. I didn’t. I lied and fake graduated.”
“I had good friends in it and the activities were fun.” (ok this one was nice)
“I always had friends with leadership positions and loved seeing the behind the scenes and being in the know.”
Gotta love honesty, right? So looks like that tactic isn’t really going to work, so I’m going to have to stick to my experience. Like I said previously, rush was…. rocky. I’m not going to embarrass myself by writing about the rose necklace again, but it’s just a website scroll away if you’re new and curious. I would be lying if I said I stayed in AEPhi because rush was such a top-notch experience. It wasn’t that I didn’t love the people I met in my house during rush…because I did. I looked back at my notes and they were consistently positive and my sorority was always at the top of my imaginary list. But somewhere in between bringing the fireplace holder down and talking about what animal I would be if I were an animal, I just couldn’t picture myself in AEPhi long-term.
Which brings me to a very important part of this entry- you will not know if you are meant to be somewhere – whether that’s a sorority, club, friend group, workplace, etc. until you begin showing up.
I don’t just mean physically; I mean showing up mentally, emotionally, authentically. And I will be the first to also say that this is next to impossible to do, since joining a sorority also sort of feels like an out-of-body experience. Kind of like an interview, how can you be yourself and impress your pledge sisters…AND learn the names of the seemingly 8 million randos that are now your “family”?!?!
All of this is EXACTLY how I was feeling when I joined AEPhi, a sorority where the only person I knew was my best friend. Running home on bid day was more awkward than that time a girl accidentally threw a ball at my no no spot during seventh grade baseball, and that’s saying a lot. I have this really distinct memory of looking at another girl who had the biggest case of RBF I think I’ve ever seen. Two seconds later, the president had wrapped me and this girl in a hug and was saying that we were going to be sisters! What a catastrophe.
But then things started to turn around. We had a sisterhood retreat to a rollerblading place, where we all broke out of our shell and did a lot of falling on our faces. After that, we did a lot of activities that resembled trust falls that were also obviously designed to make us get to know each other…but they surprisingly, kind-of worked? Once we were left alone to talk, me and my pledge class started bonding, and it was grossly cool. As we shared why we had all joined AEPhi, things started off awkward, until one girl admitted AEPhi hadn’t been her first choice and she was honestly unsure why a sorority was worth her college experience. While that made me take a deep breath of relief, what maybe did more was that NOBODY invalidated her experience. A majority of us agreed with her, and as we kept talking, we realized that the sorority was just a label. Kind of like my best friends back home, we worked because we were building friendships completely apart from the label. The letters we all put in our bios a week later had very little influence on the interactions that we had begin undertaking. Hence what I meant when I said in my last entry that I have friends still in the sorority, friends that dropped the sorority, friends that graduated as sorority alumna like me, and friends that I convinced to join the sorority. None of that matters to me. They’re all my friends. And the sorority isn’t the glue that keeps us together. It’s just the base upon which our friendships started. Once you as a new member begin doing activities that cause that realization to spark, you’ll figure out the truth: You should stay in your sorority ONLY if you think it’s making you grow as a person, into someone who can keep those friendships going until they’re strong enough to survive even when the base experiences tears or crumbles.
Growth. My friends who have dropped their sororities haven’t done so because they’ve been terrible or even because they didn’t make friends in their houses. It’s always because their sororities weren’t helping them grow anymore. So how do you measure growth? And what should your sorority be doing for you? What did AEPhi do for me and why do I ultimately think sororities can be incredible, incredible groups of women?
1.) Sororities give you a reason to treasure the collective. Being part of something larger than yourself is the number one key to being a successful adult in modern-day society.
2.) Sororities and frats are the best examples of consequences out there in college. Learn your limits, love your limits, hold on to them as you go through life.
3.) Greek life holds up a mirror to your potential. We all need a hype team and my “sisters” -or whatever- have been mine ever since I graduated.
4.) #Leadership – everybody has a leader inside of them and being in my sorority unleashed mine.
5.) It’s easy to only ever see things from one perspective, but being in Greek life was the number one thing that taught me that you never know what someone else is going through.
6.) Being in a sorority SHOULD motivate you academically, socially, and personally to step out of your comfort zone. Every time I wanted to take the easy way out, I feel like my sorority friends were the ones who raised their eyebrows and forced me to take risks. To embrace uncomfortable things, like confronting my problems and calling pizza places even though I have failed at this multiple times and am convinced it is one of the things I’m worst at.
7.) Your sorority should respect you and the opinions you bring to the table. This is something I even struggled with sometimes at AEPhi, but ultimately I felt like I had a community that supported and uplifted my ideals. Don’t settle for anything less than that.
8.) Continuous progress – whether you’re a new member or an alumni, you should feel like your experiences and growth mindset is being molded by your sorority experiences.
9.) You do not need to like everyone in your sorority, you just need to feel like you like what your sorority stands for. The first thing I ever asked my amazing big sister is “is it okay to not like somebody in your pledge class?” I remember that she laughed. You will end up with your group, but as long as you’re comfortable with where you are, that’s what’s most important.
10.) Finally, I think the most important thing your sorority can and should do to make you a better person is to emphasize that you become better not by overshadowing the people in your life, but by inspiring one another. If you feel like your sorority is constantly a competition than there is clearly not enough emphasis on women supporting women. And that is…not what a sorority should be about.
This is a quick blog, but the main point of it is to reach the new members who were unsure about joining a sorority at first, and aren’t any closer to acceptance on the topic. I am living, graduating sorority proof that that is normal, but also that you should be asking yourself those questions. Life is too short to spend money on dues and time on people that do not appreciate you. So make sure that your sorority is always considering and loving you back.
This is my last sorority topic I had planned to discuss, so unless anyone reaches out with more, I’m going to move into some new topics. However, I will be MIA for the next three weeks since I will be traveling to Vancouver, Disneyland, and Las Vegas for the next three weekends. Definitely expect a travel blog with some fun adventures once I’m back, and until then, follow my Instagram for fun updates! Especially for Disneyland, because I literally cannot wait. Until next time!