Burnout is a Buzzkill

Today, we are talking burnout, because I think it is a super relevant topic no matter the age or context. I have a lot of friends who are about to graduate college and a lot of others who are working their first job (just like me!) and feeling emotionally burnt out, I believe, is like one of the most relatable ways to feel as we head into April. April is a beautiful month but it comes with a lot of stress, as the academic year rounds out and questions begin bouncing around – the last chance for reflection before the hectic mess of summer. Here’s the thing though – even though each one of us is super prone to feeling burnt out, and even though it probably ranks in the top ten most universal emotions, we are super hesitant to admit we ARE burnt out. Instead, we label it in a million other ways: senioritis, “I’m just tired”, and counting cups of coffee to put a quantity on just how crappy that day was. I even had to google the definition of “burnt out”, which I provided below, because it is just not something we openly admit to. Yet burnout is so understandable and so conquerable, so please read on to find out just how much it might apply to you and just how much you CAN do something about it.

So, the definition of burnout- provided by yet another random website definition. The Mayo Clinic (which might just be my most reputable source yet) defines burnout as a state of physical or emotional exhaustion that also involves a sense of reduced accomplishment and loss of personal identity. In more relatable words, it is when you kind of lose yourself after being so focused for so long on an unattainable result. I feel like the majority of times in my own life, burnout tends to be the worst in the home stretch, when you feel very close to something you’ve been working towards for a very long time. The most simple way I often explain the feeling is this: Have you ever been super into a TV show, to the point where you’ve identified with the characters, thought about the storyline while you’re sleeping, and pondered frequently how it would end? Then you get close to finishing and you feel at odds with yourself- on one hand, you’re sort of dying to finish the last chapter… but then you would be done. And once you do bring yourself to finish the show, you feel this weird emptiness from knowing it is over. No more wondering, no more hoping, no more questions because they have all already been answered.

That weird, uncomfortable feeling is a very small scale kind of burnout. You feel like something you are very committed to will be over soon. And because so much of your identity has been tied to that show and its plot for so long, you feel like there’s a gap where that show used to be.

It seems like a strange metaphor, but life is the same. Take college, for instance. As human beings, there are few self-guided, voluntary goals that drag on for quite as long as college does. I mean, going into college, we almost always know it is going to be a four year process, we know how it is going to unwind (for the most part, until the one day you find out there’s an international virus that is sending everyone home for a very elongated “spring break”) , and we know upfront what we have to do to get to the final milestone- graduation. So the first three years go by exactly how we would expect, with us taking classes and meeting people and joining campus groups and being a college student. But as that fourth year comes and goes, once you can see the finish line just up ahead – for me, it was that email we received about our caps and gowns being ready- that’s when the doubt sets in.

It creeps in slowly, just a few questions here and there. What do I wear to graduation? Should I post something on LinkedIn? Wait, was I supposed to have a job at the end of this thing?

And because we are complex creatures and doubt is the enemy of progress or something, those lingering thoughts become fleas that ruin every experience, making the finish line look less like “happily ever after” and more like “oh shit, what’s next”.

I’m here to reassure you that whether you are five, 15, 25, or 65, that is an absolutely normal experience to have. But also, I’m here because as usual, I’ve got some advice that can help get you over the finish line and can make that burnout burn a little less.

For one, it helps to narrow down what the Mayo Clinic has directly defined is the precursor to burnout: stress. It doesn’t take a doctor to know that excessive stress is not healthy for the body or mind. If you begin to feel like you’re not sure if the destination is worth all the stairs you’ve had to climb to get there, you should take a pause to assess that very question. What exactly are you working towards, and is your effort justified. Sometimes, we fall into patterns where we are working extremely hard for things we either A.) never really wanted or B.) aren’t sure where they lead. I can say with experience that is all too easy to start doing things and get almost to the end before you really ask yourself why you are doing them. If things don’t really matter to you, don’t do them! And take pauses when it comes to attaining your goals, because being self aware really is the difference between fulfillment and passivity.

For another, if the stress you do feel is coming from expectations that have become almost unbearable- like the expectation that you will get a certain job or feel a certain way about your career- create a list of what is and isn’t outside of your control. For example, applying to 20 jobs and drafting a strong cover letter + resume is within your realm of control. Getting a very specific job that depends on the approval of other people and about a million other confounding variables – very much OUT of your control. This is the magical answer to keeping a record of what you actually should strive for. That way, you can still hold yourself accountable without subjecting yourself to terrible burnout that will eventually have you completely shutting down. What happens to a computer when you open eight million tabs and run a billion programs at the same time (I should know)? It shuts down. What will happen to you if you focus on too much at one time and try to account for a million impossible details? You, too, will shut down.

And on that note, while you are trying to only control what is in your power and reflecting on the importance of your goals, also consider limiting the number of goals you have. I am a big believer that to reach certain “very important” goals you will have to shut down others. And while it can feel selfish to create a mental priority list, it is the right thing to do to really prove to yourself that something is worth it. So prove it to yourself and to me. If it is really worth it, you will sacrifice other things because I am telling you right now that at some point, we all need to learn that we are not secretly superheroes that can do it all.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, the best cure for burnout is putting yourself in the drivers seat of your life. What do I mean by this? I mean that I just saw a TikTok of a 30 year old woman who gave the following advice for people in their 20s (though I really do think it can be applied to all of us one way or another): being happy in life really comes down to not making life a cycle of “what’s next”. Finding joy in the right now will ultimately lead to the goal we ALL have: being happy being happy. And so my final piece of advice is do the things that make you feel in control, that make you feel good right now. The best thing we can make in life is make decisions with our hearts and our guts. So take some time right now to do the things that make you happy, because if you feel like they will fulfill you, you probably would know better than anyone else that it’s the right move in the long run. And in my personal opinion, the nemesis of burnout is contentment.

And on that note, I’m gonna skip out of here. I’ll be back next week with a fun topic…please message me with suggestions! Sending so much love to you all.