Is the "Seattle Freeze" Real?

Another Sunday in Washington State means three things: 1.) money spent at a farmer’s market 2.) a gloomy weather forecast with vitamin D pills on deck and 3.) another entry of Sincerely, Sharon. Hope you all are doing well and coming out on the bright side now that we’re in March. For me, March has always been a month that represents starting fresh and coming alive. I feel like we all hibernate during January and February, and then the sun comes out in March and it is like a reminder that we’re only one month away from April showers, which means only two months from May flowers -and more importantly- SUMMER.

Speaking of starting anew, one topic that I technically covered in a prior blog, the Seattle freeze, was something I always wanted to cover in more detail. Now that winter is ~pretty much?~ over and the imaginary snow has thawed, I’ve been wondering if my thoughts on the Seattle freeze have changed. And for those of you who do not live here, and therefore don’t really care, I’m also going to share what has helped me form genuine friendships regardless of the ‘freeze’ and how moving doesn’t have to be some kind of blizzard that covers your windshield and doesn’t let you get to where you’re going. Too far with the metaphor? Okay fine, then let’s get going.

For those who are too lazy to click here and find out what I’ve noticed as a Midwest transplant to the West Coast, I’m going to recap what the Seattle freeze actually is all about. The ‘freeze’ actually has very little to do with the weather (that’s actually gloomy enough that it doesn’t need a cool name to describe it); it is a description of how people here keep to themselves and aren’t very open to any beyond surface-level connections with newcomers. Of course, I couldn’t help looking up for myself how exactly this term came to be- when did people start associating this city with distant, ‘frozen’ people?

And here it is: The trend of Seattle locals icing out newcomers ACTUALLY began 100 years ago, at the start of world war one. According to Crosscut magazine, when newcomers flooded the city at the turn of the 20th century, they were met with unaffordable rent, labor unrest, the Spanish flu pandemic, excessively high prices, and prohibition. Which is hilarious, because today we have the same problems here- rent that’s impossible to pay, inflation increasing by the daily, and COVID-19. So, 100 years later, not much has changed.

Anyways, as the newcomers were barricaded from enjoying life in what is now known as the “Emerald City”, a phenomenon known as “social racism” began to take over the city. People no longer spoke on the streets of neighborhoods, chatted during afternoon rides on the city’s public transportation, or even exchanged greetings from their work cubicles in the morning. The dreary Seattle winters didn’t help, as people hibernated in their homes during the colder months, getting used to existing only within the comforts of their own homes. Over time, it got so distant and unfriendly that in 1920, Arthur Priest of the Seattle Chamber of Commerce came up with a campaign called “Talk to your neighbor day”. And to this day, a very little known or cared about fact here is that April 12th is technically still the day you are supposed to call Howdy out on the street or chat with your neighbors about the weather for an ungodly five minutes.

I’m not sure exactly if the campaign was successful, but I do know that despite efforts to reunite the city’s locals and new arrivals, a line had already been drawn in the sand between them. A line which extended through the first world war into the second, and still has remnants today.

According to The Seattle Times and a study they carried out in 2019 (prior even to the onset of the pandemic), 40% of people surveyed in both Oregon and Washington admitted they find making new friends as “not important to them”. What’s maybe even crazier is that in the same study, exactly half of the respondents said they have “no desire to interact with people they don’t know”. When 50% of adults in a new place want nothing to do with you, it looks like there’s a serious case for division among a city’s residents, especially when you consider the impact the pandemic had on turning us all into hermits sorry I mean introverts

Take a look at the data above for confirmation of what I just said, but the idea is that Seattle’s residents seem to have a new take on meeting people they don’t know. What is FOMO (fear of missing out) in other parts of the country, like the Midwest and even East Coast, is JOMO here- the joy of missing out. A city of introverts and people who are content with their social lives exactly the way they are, newcomers have quite the impossible task when they arrive- break the bubble, meet other newcomers, or have a whole lot of “self care” nights.

Here's a list of what’s worked for me since I’ve been here when it comes to thawing this freeze, but also what has worked from me as a chronic mover and what I still tell myself at times. But the important thing to realize is that deeply and truly, this isn’t something that’s only commonplace in Seattle. It’s common in any area where locals and newcomers find themselves in a “West Side Story” deadlock, and establishing common ground is critical. The friendlier and kinder you are, the more successful you will be. And things have a way of figuring themselves out (in a way that I’m not sure a lot of us always understand). Anyways, here are eight things that can help you when you feel a bit frozen after a new move.

1.) Smile- Did you know we are almost all guilty of having RBF at one point in time? It’s so easy to think we’re being neutral when we’re actually shooting people a look that would make a baby cry and a golden retriever whimper at the same time. Plus smiling releases Serotonin, and that’s a good way to actually make you feel happier in the long run.

2.) Plan a Solo Trip- no one believes me on this, but being a day trip solo queen is SUCH a flex. As long as you’re mastering small talk 101 (which could be a bulletpoint by itself), you will strike up interesting and exciting conversations with others whether you’re hiking a national park or getting a beer. And the best part is that each situation will surprise you and become a memory.

3.) Follow up! If you are like me and grow resentful whenever you have to put too much work into a friendship, do yourself a favor and either change, or stick in Cincinnati, Ohio which the same three friends your entire life. People in Seattle (and other crazy tech metropolises) are busy, which means making plans can often be a disaster. I find this to be one of the things that makes early adulthood friendships so complicated is that we’re all in different phases of life, and that requires being willing to let your pride go a bit and check in when plans don’t come together.

4.) Be pushy, because who cares? I know it can feel weird to do the awkward “can I get your number” after you’ve had a random surface level conversation with someone new, but if you decide not to do that with a local or a stranger, kiss your chance of ever seeing them again goodbye. People around here have been conditioned to not build on existing connections, but we have phones and 8 million networking apps for a reason. Use them.

5.) Learn to be alone- this goes hand in hand with number two, but the only way to discover yourself in a new city is to do things you like, which you often have to start off doing by yourself. Let me offer up an example. I love reading to bits. When I first moved here, I loved to read random novels at parks alone, and now, I’ve started a Seattle book club where me and other people get together and discuss books once a month. Just an example of how a solo interest can bloom into a group activity.

6.) ACTIVE LISTENING- I know I sound like *such* a communications major, but the truth is we all get nervous and for some reason our gut instinct when we do during a new convo is to plan ahead with questions and awkwardly ask them instead of just following up on what people say. Trust me, I did sorority rush TWICE. Just be normal and listen and fill lulls with what you naturally think comes next.

7.) Establish common ground- As I always say, for something that seems so simple, this is unexplainably hard to master with adult friendships. In fact, part of the reason it is easier to make friends when you’re in high school or whatever is that there’s more shit happening to us, so more stuff to randomly talk about. A research paper everyone in a class has to write? “Ugh I hate research papers” and boom- friend made. As opposed to adulthood, where we’re all the midst of different challenges, jobs, etc. But guess what? Rent is high for all of us, inflation sucks ass for all of us, the weather is on crack in the PNW, and we all have cool stories we can share. So there is still common ground to be formed in any scenario.

8.) Say “yes…and”- I haven’t heard this since my terrible community theatre improv days, but the saying is true. When someone invites you to do something, say “yes let’s do it! And next week, maybe we can…”. Before you know it, you will have plans on the calendar that you never anticipated and much to look forward to.

And that’s all there really is to thawing out the winter inside our relationships. Whether you have lived in the same town for 41 years or are moving somewhere new, I think we all need to embrace discomfort a bit in this post-COVID world, and I think you are all a bit more equipped to do exactly that. Next week, I’ll be writing about public speaking, what makes it terrifying, and the keys to being listened to in and out of the workplace. I’ll talk to you all then!