"You Can Do It" - A Tale of Imposter Syndrome

First of all, I’d like to apologize for dropping off the face of the earth. While I’m sure only an elite few missed my little rants and lessons, I missed writing and posting loads! I spent the past two weeks in Chicago, only just getting back after doing my first ever business AOP planning meetings and visiting my family. I am back and better than ever, so here we go.

When people don’t explicitly tell me what to write about, I pick my topics 90% of the time by what inspires me wherever I write. For this reason, I like to switch up my writing spots…I think the truth is I’ve long given up on my London goal of being recognized at one particular coffee shop as a regular and morphing into the next JK Rowling. Today, I decided to head to my favorite park in Seattle and watch the sunset like the inspired artist I like to believe I am. Oddly enough, today as I’m writing this, I encountered an old man blasting music from a speaker while parading through the park, followed by- no joke- at least 65 geese. I assume they are more interested in the loaf of bread he is sprinkling through the streets, but this man seems to not pay much attention, as he claps his hands to the lyrics “you can do it” for what seems like the 6th time this song has played. Don’t bother asking me what song it is, but what I can tell you is that this man seems to be an equal blend of insane, high out of his mind, and perfectly at peace with life.

Listening to the lyrics “you can do it” 500 times, coupled with my last business conference, make me think of the perfect blog topic for this week, a little concept we call imposter syndrome.

Whether we choose to admit it or keep it subtly hidden away, not a single person on this planet does not fall prey to imposter syndrome every single day. For those who are not as familiar with AP psych terms or refuse to go to therapy, Imposter Syndrome is defined by the APA and some fancy person with a PhD as “a phenomenon occurring in high achievers that are unable to internalize and accept their success” (Weir, 2013). Unfortunately for Ms. Weir, I am going to disagree with her definition. Imposter Syndrome may be especially taxing for high achievers, but it actually occurs in all of us. Why? Well, as I think I have sufficiently pointed out in my previous entries, it is my completely ~subjective~ belief that we are all constantly trying to fit into the target groups around us. Building strong social identities DEPENDS on portraying a certain version of ourselves to our peers. And just like it is our biggest fear as kids that our parents won’t fall for our tricks (like faking sick, staying up late with our phones under the covers, faking injuries to get out of doing work….not that I’ve done any of those things mom and dad), it is our biggest fear as adults that those around us that we think matter will unmask us and find out we were faking it the whole time.

Some of you are probably thinking this doesn’t make much sense. If you’ve done 10 years of residency at a hospital after another 8 years of school, aren’t you fully qualified to practice medicine as a doctor? If you’ve earned the respect of colleagues in a workplace, it’s probably because you did something worth their attention and respect……right?

The question mark at the end of that last sentence is indeed very purposeful, since a lot of us face our own insecurities with question marks every single moment of the day. Did you earn that promotion, or was it just because no one else was competent? Did you study hard for that test you aced, or did you just get lucky? Do your friends really like you or are they just using you to drive them around places? (LOL but if you’ve met me, you know the last one could never apply).

Whether you’re just starting out as an elementary school teacher or you’re Bill Gates, deep down, we can all remember a time we felt like a fraud. Hell, it is impossible to even open LinkedIn anymore without feeling that way- anyone relate?

I know I do. I feel like I am learning so much, but the bottom line is that I am a 21 year old woman who still feels like she’s 16 year old girl in high school sometimes. How the hell have I graduated college? Traveled the world? Moved across the country? And who let me in any full time job, let alone one at a fortune 500 company? Sure I am mostly managing oatmeal and granola bars, but sometimes I’m worried that I’ll log into Zoom wrong and set fire to every grocery store in the United States.

Just this week, I was faced with a situation that made me feel like I don’t have what it takes to survive out here, like I was drowning side-by-side with Michael Phelps at the Olympics (the weird metaphors continue, what can I say). One of my grocery buyers took a lump sum of money in exchange for a display, and then failed to execute it. To make matters worse, when I tried to reschedule the display and resolve the situation, she ignored my emails and phone calls, and told me it was “not her fault”. I immediately felt hopeless, deflated, and visited by my old pal, imposter syndrome.=

However, after talking to my awesome manager, I remembered three things.

1.) Like my coworkers used to tell me during my internship, it’s JUST oatmeal and rice cakes; no one will die from this situation.

2.) I’ve done everything I can in this situation, and the responsibility is on her to fix it.

3.) My thinking is wrong. I’m not “just” a young girl getting swamped out by the corporate world. I’m a boss ass bitch who is the youngest person at my entire company and is single handedly experiencing more than most people that are ten years older than me could dream of.

….So even though this buyer has yet to respond and this situation has not been magically resolved, my imposter syndrome has tapped out for the night. I’m sure it will be back, but as ever, I’ll be ready.

Do me a favor. Listen in to your thoughts, and pause whenever you feel this question bubbling at the surface: What gives me the right to be here??

When this question makes its way into your mind, remember that confidence isn’t sparked, it is built. And if you’ve gotten this far in your life, someone had to believe in you to get there. Probably multiple people, actually. But if you can really say that no one has believed in you thus far, that doesn’t mean you’re done for either. Because it only takes one (the most important) person -YOU- to start accepting that your successes aren’t random and your failures aren’t permanent. Let yourself celebrate the little things, because while there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, sometimes you have to be a little selfish and appreciate the path you took to get where you are. That’s the real trick. When I have been confronted by my own imposter syndrome and self-skepticism, it’s sometimes too hard to recognize the destination I arrived at. So I start by thinking back on the journey I took to get here in the first place. That way I’m in for a good laugh, but I can also prove to myself that one rose necklace on bid day, first week in London, and failed negotiation at a time, I’m finding my way.

So congrats on getting to the end of another Sharon blog, and congrats on getting to where you are in your personal journey. Counting you (hopefully), that’s at least two people who believe in what you can do. Three, if you count Mr. Goose Man😊